This relationship

Will forever be the most memorable part of my life. It is a shame it couldn't be our firsts, but it is just as good.My past relationships were nothing but kids play compared to now. No common sense, no responsibilties, no understanding. But now I really have a better sense of what I want and need in a relationship. She in all aspects is my ideal soulmate. But of course not everything is perfect. But I embrace every aspect of her. And she did as well for me. For once, I can finally experience my ideal relationship, my ideal partner.

Slowly down the road, many problems arise. Time after time after time again. I get hurt deeper and deeper each time due to the stinging words she say. To this point, today I feel nothing. I am completely numb. I still love her yet I am speechless. I honestly gave her 100% of my effort, time and energy. But it wasn't enough. I sleep too much, I am too boring, I am short and fat. I derp too much, I say the wrong things too much, I fall too much. These insults does hurt me. But I take it because I don't mind.

Whenever she gets upset or something happens, always ignore me first. So I get anxious and worry. She never tells me what is on her mind until I keep asking her. Even if she does something I don't like, I cant stay upset. She never tries to make up with me. I always live in the fear of upsetting her. But I take it, because I love her.

Now, our relationship has lost its excitment and passion. I'm at a lost for words. I don't want to give her up yet I have nothing to say that will keep her from leaving me. In the end, if she really did love me, she wouldn't leave me for this.If this is how it ends then I admit defeat.

I don't believe that I am a terrible boyfriend. I go the extra mile for her, just to see her, eat with her and make her happy. I am not giving up, I am seeing whether or not I truly belong in her heart. Let her come to me. Or if happiness for her is to leave me then so be it. I tried my all, cried my tears and stinged my heart.