Reflection before 2nd Month

It wasn't too long ago that She and I had passed our one month mark. It didn't feel like a month has passed, but it did. With school, work and family. We continued to make time for each other and see each other almost everyday. Days just past us quickly.
And now approaching our second month, I felt the need to reflect on us so far.

I start to see the hypocritical side of me, the selfish side of me, the ignorant side of me. I don't know why I acted the way I did or said some of the things that I shouldn't of said. My logic did not make sense. And time and time again, unknowingly I hurt her. Not intentional, nor physical. In a way that could be seen as neglecting, neglecting to see things from her point of view. Looking back at myself now, I was irrational, my thinking was irrational. Why is it that I keep doing things that jeopardize her feelings towards me. Yes, time and time she gets frustrated and seemingly wanted to give up. And I beg her not to, I said our problems are fixable and I won't repeat the same mistakes. The verge of breakup, I experience it too much, too much for comfort. It is painful to go through it each and every time, for the both of us. I keep telling myself, stop screwing up, stop making her cry. Stop making excuses for my actions. Time and time again, i thought we were over, i thought this is it. But, deep down insides I couldn't let it just end, she felt the same way. She keeps giving me chances when she didn't have to. I feel like I didn't deserve it, I really thought that our recent argument would be our last one.

I came to realize she did more than I realize she did. Her words spoken through her tears. I was ashamed to not see how much she sacrificed just so I could be happy. How much she has done, compared to what I have done. I do feel ashamed, I felt less of a man. How couldn't I see all of this, why was I so ignorant to see it. She devoted herself to me, didn't talk to any other guys that I didn't like. I admit I didn't like it at first, but now I feel as though I shouldn't impose it upon her, I'm fine that she has male friends, as long as the boundary is there. I certainly would never do anything that would go against my conscience. What we have, I cannot afford to screw up to lose all of this, all of us. I constantly think about her first before doing anything that I felt wouldn't be fair to her or her feelings towards me. Her loyalty is unquestionable at this point. She is devoted to me, and i am devoted to her. I want us to last for as long as we can. I really believe we can go far, but the beginning is always the hardest. I never knew this feeling of having someone by you, through thick and thin. Despite our arguments, It only shows how much we care about each other and for me, I only appreciate her more and more. That She is really the one I have been looking for.

Thank you for sticking by me, when I'm not at my best, when I don't look my best, when I don't act my best. I truly feel blessed to have you and I will not do anything to lose this relationship. For you and because of you, I can only improve and become a better person.