Next Morning

After reading and hearing what was said. I can only feel sadness, guilt and regret. Last night, all I can think of is her. How we will no longer be we, but rather me and her. I know perhaps some of the things she said was out of frustration and pain, but it really hurt to hear some things. It was a sad ending, to the point where I am ashamed for what I have caused. I never thought she would lash out on me, her hatred just poured out on me. I am foolish to have believed we were perfect, to have believed that maybe I was who she wanted. Sure our chemistry worked, sure our personalities matches but in the end our mentality is different.

She wanted a perfect relationship, an ideal one. Not what we have. It is tiring and frustrating at times. In the long run, it hurts us more than help. In the long run, she does more for me than I do for her. I am ashamed at this, that I could not be what she needed. I never intended to ever hurt her, but now I see, for her to be with me only means more pain for her, more complications for us both. I admit, I did act selfishly. I asked too much of her, she didn't have to do anything for me but she chose to. I tried my best to keep her happy and this whole time I thought she was happy with me.

I don't want to lash out on her, because I can't. I can't say cruel things that she said because I care. I did not choose my college over her, I did not have a choice. Honestly speaking, it is a huge commitment for me to transfer, I don't know if I can go through with it. What if I don't like it at her college, what if later on she still left me, what do I have left... I would in the end feel used and stupid. Its a fear that I do have. In the end, i would feel alone. Honestly, I just can't make everything work the way she wants, I guess I just isn't what she hoped for.

In the end, I am left finding myself. Finding how to adjust. I wish the best for her and really hope that we can still be good friends. I am silly to wait by my phone, hoping she calls and tells me that she changed her mind. It happened before but now, the situation seems unlikely. We are both selfish. Our journey together has ended.

I will look back on us still, I will look at our pictures still. I will constantly tell myself, she was the best girl I could ever find, but I wasn't the best guy she can find. She can do a lot better. Her personality and qualities can attract anyone she wants. I can only say thank you for this amazing relationship that I always wanted, and leaving me with unforgettable memories. I do love you but our lifestyles conflicted. Our differences conflicted, our mentality clashed. I can only wish you to be happier without me and hopefully do better without me. My heart still aches writing this and will be aching for a while... Our love-story has sadly ended...