Although we didnt go out and have a fancy dinner. I really enjoyed just chilling at home and cook food together. It was a teaser of how life could be if we did lived together, of course a fantasy that won't be a reality anytime soon. Just kinda sad that my house was so cold.
Every month this day, I can only remember how much of a loser I am asking her out the way I did. After last nights conversation, I only realize how much I failed. She was right though, there isn't a do over. I will be forever shamed for how lame it will be. My lack of experience in this area really sucks...
The past month was not 100% smooth, we...did hit a breaking point. Of which i really thought we was over and became just friends. That everything we did and stood for just disappeared overnight. It was a nightmare to me. Congested , tense feeling in my chest. I could not bare it. It just goes to show that no matter how things seem all lovey dovey, a wrong conversation or incident can drive it downhill from there. That at any given moment in time, I can lose her. I never realized such a fear before. Once you are this attached, life feels different when they are gone. If only every guy in the world can realize that just because the chasing stage is over, and the girl agreed to be with you, they can still leave once they see that the desire and passion is slowly fading.
From that break point, I realized what she said was starting to be true. It wasn't healthy for us to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. That we became each others distraction whether school or work. From there on, We had to work towards to balance. To where it was healthy for both of us. Perhaps this winter break can help us. With her having a job and me going to seek a job. hopefully it can help us grow.
I love you baby! <3
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