Past

Even until now, the past has never left her mind. The pain inflicted, the tears shed, the sleepless nights. It is just amazing how it can completely scar a person mentally. Which is why deep down, I strongly hate the one who caused it. That night that I actually met him, the urge to just punch his face was so strong, especially after he asked me" You treating her good man". Holy shit like nigguh gtfo. what kind of a question is that? You left her in pieces, a girl who thought she loved you, that did anything and everything just to be with you, even though she has to deal with your shit, she doesn't mind. It still pisses me off thinking about it.

Why I developed such a feeling towards her so quickly was because of understanding her commitment and loyalty in a relationship. I was in awe, this girl is real in a relationship. Her sacrifices and efforts are great.That was who I wanted to be with. An ideal relationship, where nothing is one sided. Why would anyone let a girl of this caliber go? I have no idea. One thing I know for a fact is to never take her for granted, because in the end once shes gone, she won't be coming back.

The problem with this was that she still have this fear inside of her, the fear of the past repeating itself, that in the end, I might end up like him. That one day, I will stop being nice to her, not wanting to hang out with her. Her trust in me is restricted by this fear. I don't blame her, trust is earned not asked for.

Long time ago, I went through a similar thing. My last so called relationship didn't last long at all, a little less than a month. It was childs play, too young to understand what a relationship really was. It isn't a simple will you go out with me on aim, or throwing the words I love you around like it meant like nothing. In the end, I have no idea what I was doing. In the end, I foolishly hurt myself by being stupid. I started to not trust females. I felt that rarely are females true to their nature. In the same time, I didn't want to go through the process again and only to be lied to.

I didn't want her to go through not trusting a guy, nor did I wanted to let her slip away, it was a chance that I took that could have gone bad but in the end, it didn't. I fully am aware of such pain, I want it to be gone from her mind.


My history with certain females is unclear to her, but as far as I can tell, she fears that I might somehow leave her for them. I find it cute and silly. I wish she was more confident in herself, what she has and can offer already locked my heart on her. The females that I met in high school, none did I saw that I could date. If I did think that, I would of dated but I didn't because I knew they weren't the one I looked for. I learned from them, understood what I was looking for. But I never quite found the person until now.

The people we met in the past, shaped us into who are today. You meet certain people for a reason and they either stay or leave for a reason. However, they only mattered in the past not the present. The only female that matters now is you.