Finding the right balance

To still show affection and care yet to not do it where it feels suffocating. To put effort and try but not to the point it feels pressuring. To want to talk and see each other all the time yet to have time for other things and people. At this point, I am so used to doing things to where if I don't do it, I feel so uncomfortable. I like skyping with her, calling her each night. It relaxes me to know she is asleep and puts me in a good mood. I like having a happy conversation before bed. I like to talk about things we did and how she thought of it. But it may feel as though constantly doing it, makes it less meaningful.

I'm just trying to find that balance. I have to make up in qualities that I don't have. Because if certain things really mattered to her, she wouldn't end up being with me in the first place. I take things too seriously and personally. There is no need for that, this insecurity is hindering me. I just wish she can speak up sooner and not bottle it up to where it just explodes because it really hurts when we are at breaking point. I get really confused. And say things I really didn't mean to say. Its strange how I feel heartbroken that turns into anger that turns into tears. Just no more.

I like challenges and with her, its always a challenge. The type that don't just give in to me, that has her own ideas, her own judgement. But shows the care and affection. I really like that, maybe a bit too much.

Life may be difficult at times, but now I see it is the mindset that changes how it really is. The problems and issues that we have, can be solved. We both just have to find that balance.