Month 3

Another monthly recap. Three months since Dorney, and wow how fast 1/4 of a year passes.Lots have happened. But mostly because of Her. I've learned a lot from her and being with her. I realized how reality really is and sometimes it could be what you hope for, if you really try for it. I realized what a relationship really is like and how it should be like. I realize how feelings and emotions can really control everything you do. I realized I found another side of myself. I'm still growing, mentally and she is there to help me learn.

Everything I knew up until I met her, was barely enough to prepare to what I was going to experience. I didn't know what I was going to expect, I didn't know if I made the right choice. But looking back now, I am glad I did. July. The month of change, for me. My gut feeling, was really right. I never been so confident but towards her I was. Never have I ever had enough confidence to confess that quickly. She turned a switch on inside of me. Deep down, I knew she could be the one that can fill that empty spot in my heart, that empty seat beside me, that empty hand of mines. Little did I know, she really is a dream come true.

The meeting and chasing stage. Unexpected, exciting and intoxicating. Unexpected on how we met, how we talked, how we progressed. Exciting to see her, eat with her, hang out with her. Intoxicated by her smile, her laughs and her personality. The unofficial stage, game of hide and seek. Hide our relationship from others, and seek places to hang. Felt too good to be true, too good at least for me. As the days go by, I fell more and more. As we progressed, I kept falling deeper and deeper to the point I knew I couldn't stop. She was literally perfect in everyway possible, even more perfect than what I yearned. So perfect that I'm so afraid to lose her, that if I wasn't..what she wanted, she might just leave me.

After all our ups and downs, I learned a lot about us. I learned that in the beginning my childish selfish thoughts will hinder us. I learned that her past and experiences would hinder us. That we will have issues that we would calmly argue about. That we could reach breaking point. That any-day could be the day we truly ended. Last Sunday was an example, I admit sometimes I frustrate her and I didn't mean to. Sometimes I say things that I didn't mean to say. She says she doesn't understand me sometimes and shes right. I sometimes do act confusing that I don't know what i was thinking. This is the part of me I don't like. Indecisive when I should never be. Hesistant when I don't need to be. I partly blame this on my lack of experience. Honestly, I don't know much when it comes to relationships myself. And shes teaching me bit by bit.

Her actions, her words and her presence. I cannot compare it at all because it really is nothing I have experienced. She spoils me, spoils me a lot. I never knew how being spoiled felt like, not money wise but care and affection. I feel more cared about and worried about by her than my mother sometimes.

Her ability to make my day better just by talking to me. Her positivity keeps me positive. Her youthful vibe that rubs off on me.

She isn't just a girlfriend to me. The things she do, surprasses what a girlfriend could do/entitled to do. Sometimes, I don't feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend because it doesn't seem like the right term yet that is the only term acceptable in society. We really aren't just a couple, we can be friends, family yet most importantly lovers. She is my companion on this long journey of life, who is willing to walk the countless miles with me. If I fall, she helps me up. If I'm tired, she lets me rest. If I'm thirsty or hungry, she'll give me food n water.

I know somethings sound exaggerated but for a guy like me, who was always not confident in himself and never really been treated like this, this is how it feels like to me.

What she is able to do and give to me, I will try my best to give her twice that.

I truly honestly certainly can say that, I have never realized what love is until now. What love consists of, how it is love and why it is love. What loving a person means and how to love a person. Now, I know. I've learned all of that. I love her. I don't throw those words around too much because I feel as though it takes the right time to say it and you can't simply say it whenever and whereever.

And I can feel that she too is on her way, to possibly tell me she feels the same, that she gave love another shot. But, she isn't there yet and I don't mind. I'm trying my hardest to be the person she can love, deserves her love.

A peasant deserving a princess's love? How impossible it seems....